3 Reasons Why Wanting A Man Doesn’t Make You A Bad Feminist
Want a man to make you happy? That’s okay.
Happiness appears to be the sole pursuit of the majority of our lives. Yet this strange feeling of guilt or shame always seems to creep in when we associate that happiness with being in the form of a man.
Society would have us believe that, as women, it is a weakness to admit our desire for a relationship, let alone openly admit we are waiting and yearning for a husband. We are told to relish in our feminist power and hold our independent heads high, because heaven forbid we should want a man or be unhappy without one.
But that’s just the thing: we can be. We can feel downright like a lonely miserable failure without someone special. Why? Simply because we have a human need to interact, love, and be loved by other people.
So it doesn’t make sense why we fight this internal battle of wanting to fill a normal human and feminine desire, but at the same time prove to everyone (especially ourselves) that it doesn’t affect us at all. And it’s exhausting. I mean, who are we kidding?
No, you aren’t a bad feminist. And here’s why.
1. We weren’t created to do life alone.
If we weren’t meant to have relationships, we would all be living on our own little planets completely alone. We have to stop downplaying the fact that relationships do indeed add to and complete our happiness.
Whilst it’s important to not make someone else the sole reason for your joy, we need to stop pretending that someone can, in fact, make us really happy, dare I say happier than we can make ourselves.
We are taught, often by heartache and disappointment that we don’t need anyone to give us the joy we seek and that allowing this need is foolish.
Let’s get one thing straight, needs and wants are two very different things. Choosing our partner should be based off what we need, not what we just want. But having a relationship, in general, will always be a need (as well as a want), and this is not a negative thing.
That feminine desire for companionship isn’t something that should be ignored just because society or the past tells you it isn’t easy or guaranteed for a lifetime. We need to step out and pursue the things that truly bring us fulfillment, especially if one of those things comes in the form of a healthy and strong relationship.
By sharing your life with someone, you are opening yourself up to new possibilities and new levels of happiness that can only ever be given by another person.
2. We are made to give and receive.
As women, we have this unrelenting desire to always want to give. And while we may give as sisters, mothers and daughters, there is also this feminine desire to give as a wife, girlfriend or partner.
However, every giver has their limits, and even when we live a generous life as a single, we still yearn to receive something in return. Building strong relationships in our lives — whether romantic or not — helps to fill our emotional and physical jars back up.
In a world where females are encouraged to take on more of a masculine energy and role, we forget that we also need someone to give back to us. We assume that in stepping up into an independent mindset that we will automatically have more energy to give; when in fact taking more on, will, of course, require extra than you can or should give.
No matter how much of a superwoman you are, you will also have a human desire to be loved, needed and wanted. By allowing someone else to give and take with you, you are able to enlarge your capacity and find the balance that you crave and deserve.
3. Life is better shared.
There is something so wonderful about sharing an experience with someone. While traveling alone and achieving certain milestones and goals as an individual should be applauded, doing it with a companion takes it to a whole new level.
It is often perceived that if you can’t achieve something on your own, then that is a weakness. Society would have us believe that we should relish in being solo, to such a degree that it is more of an accomplishment to do things as a single woman rather than alongside someone.
Sure, there is a strength that is born with learning to navigate and thrive without a partner, but let’s not dampen the joy and force that comes with accomplishing life as a couple.
Sharing your life, dreams, and fears with a partner makes you vulnerable, but not weak. Being in a partnership with someone may actually increase your ability to go further. There is strength in unity, and there is also a lot of happiness.
Being able to talk to someone about what circumstances, good or bad, does two things: It gives us a release to be able to share our thoughts, and it gives us permission to lean on someone else.
With the effects of role reversal and feminism, we are encouraged to try and prove our place and worth by doing things alone. We forget that life isn’t meant to be done alone, and we cannot fulfill both roles as just one person.
Isolating yourself just to prove a point has no real positive future gain. We must learn to embrace the idea that sharing life with someone is a normal, human and emotional need.
Wanting a relationship does not represent any kind of weakness or failure as a woman, but is instead something to prioritize, relish and flourish in.
Renee Slansky is a relationship and dating coach, as well as the Founder of The Dating Directory, an online community for women doing love, life, and relationships.