4 Mistakes That’ll Tank Your Relationship
Don’t be as foolishly unprepared as I was.
Living with my boyfriend, his wife, and his wife’s girlfriend led to some big-time drama. It probably wasn’t the wisest decision to move into their tiny Cambridge apartment after only five months of dating my boyfriend, but I was young, in love, and wanted to give my first attempt at polyamory my all.
I made more than my fair share of mistakes while in my first ethically non-monogamous relationship. Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term for any type of relationship that isn’t monogamous, including polyamory (i.e., having more than one romantic, committed partner), open relationship (i.e., sleeping with other people than your committed partner with your partner’s knowledge and consent), and more.
Naively, I went in with this notion that healthy forms of communication could solve every problem. (Isn’t that what therapists always say?) While undoubtedly necessary, communication is just the first step to a successful polyamorous or open relationship, and there are probably 50 steps that come after.
Research has indicated a growing interest in open relationships over time, and it’s estimated that 4 to 5 percent of people living in the United States are polyamorous, or participating in other forms of ethically non-monogamous relationships. A whopping 20 percent of people have at least attempted some kind of ethical non-monogamy at some point in their lives.
If you’re one of the modern men interested in dabbling in polyamory, open relationships, or other forms of ethical non-monogamy, I have your back. God knows I made plenty of mistakes in my first ethically non-monogamous relationship; the main one, which eventually led to our breakup, was that I viewed him as a best friend I slept with, not a committed, romantic partner.