4 Signs You Should Break Up — Not Hold On Tighter
You will be okay.
Answer honestly: if I told you that you had to break up with your partner right now, because you had a toxic relationship that was unhealthy, how would you react?
If your answer is anything along the lines of, “I would calmly communicate to my partner that while I care about him/her a lot, we’re just not the best people for each other,” congrats! You’re an emotionally mature adult!
But if your reaction was more of gasp/cry/urge to text your partner a bunch of old photos to remind them how happy you guys could be, that’s bad news. It’s time to grow up and be realistic about how your relationship is right now, not what it might be in the future.
Romantic relationships are by far the most illogical areas in our lives. We base being together on “feeling something,” and getting married on “just knowing she/he is the one.” I mean, could we be more vague?!
Often times (present company included), we get so caught up in what everything is supposed to look like, that we can’t see the writing on the wall. Instead we ignore the signs of an unhealthy relationship, treat our relationships as a second job, and continue down a path that will only lead us to unhappiness.
Why? Maybe the idea of being alone is scary, or you really believe that the person you’re with is as good as it’s going to get. Or, maybe you do really care about the person, but thought being in love would feel different.
Whatever the basis of your fear may be, it’s not worth staying in a relationship for. Your time is precious, and you shouldn’t invest in someone unless they truly make you happy and add value to your life.
If you have a gut feeling that something’s wrong, but can’t quite trust your gut, then look out for these four signs that it might be time to move on:
1. Everything is intense.
A lot of relationships are emotionally draining, but they shouldn’t be like that all time. What is usually a sign of emotional instability is often confused with passion, romance and the heat of the moment.
Those things are good in a relationship every now and then. But if every day feels like the climax of a love story, then it’s probably time to call it quits and rest.
2. Or, everything is boring.
On the contrary, if your life together has become so routine that you could do it in your sleep, then it might be time to reevaluate. Relationships can be saved from monotony, but only if both parties are willing to put in the effort. You can’t be the only one planning date nights and initiating spontaneous make out sessions.
If you’ve been vocal about wanting your partner to put in more effort, and you still haven’t seen a change, then it’s because they don’t want to. And you deserve better.
3. You’re manipulating things to get what you want.
Sometimes, we get caught in up in our idea of what a perfect relationship is supposed to look like and forget to focus on what we have. If you finding yourself lying, twisting words around, or pretending to be hurt (emotionally or physically) to get your significant other to pay attention, then it’s time to step back.
Try leading with honesty to figure out if you’re happy with your partner the way things are. Remember, the more you try to control a situation, the less happy you’ll be.
4. You only get love if you demand it.
You should never have to convince your partner to love or want to spend time with you. If the simplest things like picking you up from the airport or going to see a movie together are a struggle, then it’s probably time to call it quits.
Instead of kicking and screaming for the kind of love you want, let them go. Continuing the relationship would just keep you (and your partner) from finding a better match.
Emily Blackwood is an editor at YourTango who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, relationships and everything in between. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter or on her website.