7 Ways to Keep Sex Hot When You’re Trying to Get Pregnant
Bring sexy back to baby-making, even if you’re struggling to conceive.
Baby-making sex can be many things—scheduled, exciting, stressful, and consequential. But often, it’s not very sexy. Or romantic. Or intimate. Nothing says hot like consulting the ovulation tracker before ripping your clothes off, right?
When you’re trying to conceive, it can feel like desire, spontaneity, and sensuality are left by the wayside in favor of tracking apps, ejaculation-driven sex, and doctor recommendations for when to get busy. That can make sex feel more like a chore than a moment for closeness and climax with your partner.
“Goal-oriented sex is usually less hot and less satisfactory for all parties involved because it should really be about the journey, not any destination,” Laura Deitsch, PhD, resident sexologist at adult shopping site Vibrant, tells Health.
But baby-making sex doesn’t have to be purely mechanical or feel like a doctor’s prescription. You can still have a hot, satisfying love life, even when you’re focused on conception or fertility treatments. Here, experts share their best tips.
Do more touching and kissing
Sexual intimacy is not just about intercourse, Tiffany Edwards, PhD, MPH, a clinical psychologist with Fertility Centers of Illinois, tells Health. Kisses, cuddles, hugs, a quick shoulder massage, and everyday affectionate touches all heighten a feeling of connection with your partner and can spark desire.
These meaningful gestures of intimacy strengthen relationships (even as fertility issues can cause stress and strain), Diana Sadat, sex therapist and couples counselor, tells Health. “As couples begin to engage in these little activities more often, they feel more connected which leads to them to want to have sex for pleasure as well,” says Sadat.
Bring the fun back
Out-there positions. Sex toys. Games like role-playing. Laughing and joking about during little moments of body weirdness. When getting it on feels like work, it’s time to put the fun back in your bedroom session. “Bringing in new activities at this time is a great idea,” says Sadat. Her only caution: Avoid experimentation outside of your comfort zone, which can to another high-pressure situation in your bedroom. “When you already have the stress of trying to conceive, we want to keep things beyond that as low-stress as possible,” she adds.
Have more oral sex
Take the pressure off by experimenting with the kind of sex that doesn’t lead to babies—like oral sex or mutual masturbation. (Or both at the same time.) These sex styles remove the goal of internal ejaculation from the mix, so there’s nothing to think about except how good you’re making each other feel.