Divorce Gave Me The Chance to Finally Have Great Sex Again
Today, I am more sexually empowered than ever before.
When you marry your high school sweetheart and the only person you’ve ever had sex with, at some point your mind may begin to wander, no matter how innocently. Mine did.
Although I wasn’t a virgin when I got married, I always wondered – even back in high school and long before my wedding day – what sex would be like with someone else. But I valued our relationship too much to consider voicing this, fearful that experimentation and exploration could lead to a breakup. So I stifled my curiosity, believing it would never get the best of me.
After 16 years of marriage, my husband found someone else. In all fairness to him, I don’t think he went in search of sex but, rather, an emotional connection coupled with sex, something he wasn’t getting from me.
In addition to us not getting along for years, at the time we were living on opposite sides of the world after my husband’s decision to relocate two years earlier to Hong Kong – a move I was neither happy about nor supported. I had already lived there with him for nearly three years when our children were small and didn’t want to go back for good. Though I was aware he was feeling emotionally and sexually neglected (like I was), I was naive to believe both of us would remain faithful under such circumstances – even despite our disdain for infidelity.
I cannot say that I blame my husband for moving on, which I did plenty when I found out. I was pissed. At first, I thought it was because I loved him that much. I did, but not in the “I want to rip your clothes off” kind of way. Not since he had become so consumed with his career and I had become so consumed with raising our three children – each of us forgetting about one another’s emotional and physical needs along the way.
Four-and-a-half years after my separation, I understand my anger stemmed from a bruised ego more than anything else.
And who is this “other woman” that rescued me from sexual monotony? Today, she’s my ex-husband’s second wife. Without her, I would have likely stayed in my sexual slumber much longer, perhaps indefinitely, until death did us part.
My husband and I officially called it quits on a Sunday. After I had spent three grueling months pleading, crying, vomiting, hating him, and hating myself, I was relieved the end had finally come.
Exactly one week later, I was in another man’s bed, someone I’d met online.
But having sex that afternoon wasn’t purely about satisfying my physical needs. It was about satisfying my desire to connect with someone emotionally, even briefly, while having sex.
We saw each other many times after but parted ways when the relationship didn’t progress as I had hoped. Devastating at first, his denial of exclusivity was the gift I never anticipated it to be.