How Men Can Last Longer During Sex
Learning how to last longer in bed is one of the most common reasons why men seek out my sex therapy services. Just about every man worries about orgasming too quickly, regardless of the actual amount of time he tends to last. Fortunately, there are a few straightforward, actionable strategies for lasting longer during sex.
Change Your Masturbation Habits
Your masturbation habits play an enormous role in what partnered sex is like for you. Unfortunately, most men don’t seem to realize this. If you want to learn how to last longer in bed, you have to take an honest look at your masturbation habits. Here are some dynamics to address:
How long you masturbate
Most guys masturbate to get the job done. It’s a purely utilitarian experience, usually accomplished as quickly as possible. (It may also be a pattern that stemmed from your early childhood experiences, trying to masturbate quickly before your parents walked in on you.) But if you masturbate quickly, you’re training your body to reach orgasm quickly. Instead, you want to try to draw out your sessions and make them last much longer. Think about how long you’d like to last with a partner, and be thoughtful about that timeline when you masturbate.
How focused you are on orgasm
If you’re a utilitarian masturbator, you probably also aim to take a straight path to orgasm. But again, this only serves to teach your body to take a straight path to orgasm when you’re with a partner. Instead, try to build some teasing into your masturbation practice. Think of arousal on a 1-10 scale, with 1 being barely turned on and 10 being orgasm. Get yourself to a 6, then back down to a 3, then back up to a 7, then down to a 5, then back to a 6, then down to a 2, then up to an 8, and so on. (It doesn’t have to be that exact pattern; that’s just an example.)
Find your point of no return
If you aim for an immediate orgasm, you probably have no idea what happens in your body in the moments leading up to an orgasm (otherwise called your “point of no return”). That means you’re likely to get caught off guard by an orgasm when you’re with a partner. When you masturbate, try to get a better sense of what happens in your body as you near an orgasm.
Take a Porn Hiatus
To be perfectly clear, I think that porn can be a part of a healthy sex life. But I think most people aren’t particularly thoughtful about how they use porn in their solo sex life. Porn can make it a lot harder to be in touch with your body as you masturbate, since you’re watching the screen in front of you. That makes it more difficult for you to understand where you are in your arousal process, and more likely that you’ll actually get caught off guard by your orgasm. As you’re learning to be more in tune with your arousal, it can help to masturbate without porn for a period of time.