How To Know If Your Once-Steamy Relationship Will Turn Into A Sexless Marriage
Yes, it can happen to you.
People like to joke that couples stop having sex once they get married. Speaking as a married person, I can tell you that’s not always the case — though I can see where the cliché comes from.
When you’re single, there’s an urgency to sex. You desperately want your partner to know that you love them/you like them/they’re hot. Whatever the message, the sex is about constantly reaffirming that you’re really, really into them. And you are. You desire them every single second, like your skin is on fire for them.
When everything is new, you can’t imagine that this steamy relationship will ever turn into a sexless marriage, but it might.
That’s because the crazy-hot sex in new relationships, as opposed to the tired, routine married sex too many couples settle into, is fueled by a common but rarely named emotion known as “limerence”.
What is limerence?
According to the basic definition, “Limerence, which is not exclusively sexual, has been defined in terms of its potentially inspirational effects and in relation to attachment theory. It has been described as being ‘an involuntary potentially inspiring state of adoration and attachment to a limerent object (LO) involving intrusive and obsessive thoughts, feelings and behaviors from euphoria to despair, contingent on perceived emotional reciprocation …
“It has been suggested that ‘the state of limerence is the conscious experience of sexual incentive motivation’ during attachment formation, ‘a kind of subjective experience of sexual incentive motivation’ during the ‘intensive … pair-forming stage’ of human affectionate bonding.”