How to Safely Use Choking During Sex
Why Some People Are Turned on by Choking During Sex—and How to Do It Safely, According to Experts
Let our experts teach you the proper technique.
Have you been curious about choking during sex? Maybe you had a partner recently who, seemingly out of nowhere, asked you to choke them? Or perhaps you saw a porn scene recently where choking was the main attraction? What’s the deal? We have the goods.
Before we get into why people are into choking, it’s important to address that choking during sex is extremely dangerous and should be done with caution. There are many risks. Just because you saw choking in a porn scene or are interested in it, does not mean you should just run off and choke your partner. With so much hardcore porn out there showcasing choking as this “no big deal” kind of thing that apparently happens every time you sleep with someone (it doesn’t), we suddenly have novices out here thinking choking is a first date activity. This is all around a BAD idea.
If you’re interested in choking during sex, you need to be so, so careful. This is not the same as spanking, light bondage, or other forms of kinky play. It is capital “D” Dangerous.
So, why are people into choking during sex—and how can you do it safely, if you’re one of them? We spoke to some experts to get the inside scoop.
Why are some people turned on by choking during sex?
“For men, choking close to orgasm can have a euphoric effect on climax, but should always be done safely,” says Lia Holmgren, an intimacy and relationship coach, and the upcoming author of Play with Power. She adds, “Women can have more intense orgasms when coupled with breath play (choking).”
But the appeal of choking may go beyond stronger orgasms. The turn-on has deep psychological implications, giving both partners an opportunity to explore different roles during sex.
Choking highlights the giving and receiving of control. Giving someone permission to choke you—or visa versa—is allowing the two of you to take on dominant and submissive roles in bed. This is something many of us long for: A release from control, or the power to take it. For example, when you’re used to making decisions, perhaps the idea of letting someone else control you during sex can be a turn-on.
“Choking is an act of surrender, when we completely trust the other, dominant party and let them take complete ‘life threatening’ control over the submissive party,” Holmgren says. She points out that the “life threatening” aspect of choking is simply a perceived fantasy. You’re not really looking for any sort of near-death experience, but the prospect of someone having that power can be hot.