Nine Awful Sex Experiences That We’ve All Had
Sex is supposed to be one of life’s greatest pleasures, but quite often it turns into a messy and awkward affair.
Although sex is always different with each individual person you decide to get down and dirty with, there are some awful experiences that are pretty common.
And the worst thing is that there is no safeguarding against such calamities, because sex is supposed to be an adventure full of mystery and surprise. Here are some awful sex situations that many of us have experienced. If you’ve been fortunate enough to escape such a fate, don’t worry, because your time will come.
1. Terrible dirty talk
Dirty talk is one of those things that is always a danger zone and any misstep can severely damage the whole situation at hand and, most likely, make you want to pour cement into your ears.
But imagine being in a situation where the sex is going well and, suddenly, the person you are with decides to start being poetic, but it’s just plain awful. Bonus cringe points if they’ve adopted a strange accent that they clearly think is so hot, but really isn’t.
2. Aggressive touching
There’s nothing wrong with a bit of hot passion and quick movements during sex, but aggressive touching and jabbing to the point where it feels painful is not the one.
Both sexes are equally as guilty of this.
Like exerting so much force and aggression towards a poor unsuspecting penis, or ferociously flicking a clitoris to the point where it feels like you’ve been punched in the crotch.
Slow and gentle, please.
3. Getting caught
Ah, look at you getting into the swing of things, everything is going well. And, for a moment, you actually think ‘this may be the best sex I’ve ever had’. But what’s that? That slow creaking sound, followed by a frightened sound, a rushed apology and a frantic scurry down the hallway? Congratulations, you’ve just been caught having sex by someone you live with. Best hope it was a sibling or a flatmate, and not a parent.
Different courses for different people, and all that jazz. But a surprise fart that wasn’t requested as part of the sexual shenanigans is awkward. And that smell, though. Delicious.
5. Weird body movements
A bit of flexibility and interesting body moves are always a nice surprise, and a turn on.
But you know what isn’t a turn on?
When you are flat on your back, with someone wriggling around on top of you as though they are re-enacting the worm dance move and thrusting, fully clothed, heavily against your crotch.