Sex Positions Women Hate The Most
15 Women Share Which Sex Positions They Hate Most
69 is cancelled.
Personal opinion/possible fact: 69 is the worst sex position ever invented. Allow me to explain with an extended metaphor.
I’d do most things in exchange for a back massage—my whole situation back there is nothing less than a hot mess. Unless, of course, that rub-down happens as part of a massage train, and I’m not sitting at the front. In that case, I pass as hard as humanly possible. How am I supposed to pay attention to the pleasurable sensations of a back massage when I also have to invest effort into someone else? It degrades the experience and I’m not having it.
Same thing almost always goes for 69, an abysmal sex position. Here you are, all jazzed to have someone go down on you, and then all of a sudden there’s this obligation to maneuver and suspend your body over, or next to, theirs. Neither configuration is comfortable. Why are we purposefully overcomplicating and ruining a nice thing?
Turns out, my opinion is a popular one. Among the 15 women who agreed to tell me about their least favorite sex positions, 69 came up—a lot. In fact, their loathing clustered in a few key places:
69 IS THE WORST
“69 is not fun and I think it was made up by people who want bodies to fit together in a way they don’t really [fit together]. Just go down on each other one at a time!” —Sandy*, 26
“My answer would be 69. I prefer when noses are pointed away from, rather than toward, assholes during oral sex.” —Liana, 28
“Probably 69…because it’s uncomfortable and I find it hard to multitask, ya know?” —Maddy, 30
“Well, it depends on the person—I’m on the small side, and if the dude is tall, it’s hard to do, um, anything where I’m on top. There’s some restriction re: leg movement, if the guy is really big and then my hips can’t move as freely. Otherwise, I hate 69. It is never fun and requires way too much concentration.” —Rebecca, 28
“TBH, I don’t really like 69. Maybe I haven’t done it enough, or with the right human, but it’s never been satisfying and it feels overly choreographed.” — Angelika*, 27
SHOWER SEX ISN’T SO STEAMY AFTER ALL
“Also, shower sex. Maybe I also haven’t gotten it right but it’s too slippery and I fall.” — Angelika*, 27
“If you love getting water in your eyes, water up your nose, water in your—WHEREVER—then you’ll love shower sex.” — Brianna, 27
BEING PINNED TO A WALL LIKE A BUG IS NOT CUTE
“I guess I would have to say up on a wall. Mostly because I always slide down it and it makes it so awkward. Seeing it in movies, when some big jacked guy is railing a tiny person, you think this is going to work for everyone. It doesn’t.” — Krista, 32