Spouse disrupting your sleep? It may be time for a ‘sleep divorce’
When snoring and other issues keep one partner awake, sleeping in separate bedrooms may help. But how do you ask?
When couples love each other but dread bedtime together, a “sleep divorce” may be the solution.
Snoring, body heat, restless legs, different schedules and a yearning for personal space are just some of the reasons why some happy couples choose to sleep apart, whether in separate beds in the same room, or in separate rooms all together.
A survey of 3,000 Americans posted on a mattress review site and receiving attention recently found about 31 percent of respondents would like a “sleep divorce” in their relationship. That’s consistent with a National Sleep Foundation survey that reported almost one in four American couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds.
One Utah couple credits their separate bedrooms for a healthy sex life after eight years of marriage. He’s a night owl, while she prefers to wake up earlier, so they both enjoy their own space at night. It’s turned out to be a satisfying arrangement.
“Let’s face it — lack of energy is a far greater threat to an active sex life than lack of opportunity. And we are better rested,” Daryl Austin of Orem, Utah, wrote in a Los Angeles Times column last week.
“We also get a chance to miss each other… nights apart are the only time we actually get to feel a longing for the other person. That longing results in a happy reunion every morning, a sort of ‘fresh start’ button we push at the dawn of every day.”
For other couples, sleeping apart is a serious matter of getting a good night’s rest.
Erica Scoville of Richland, Washington, told TODAY her husband Mike’s body heat and snoring kept her from getting the sleep she needed, which meant “bed time was a potential war zone.” Retiring to separate bedrooms at night was the solution for the couple, who are in their 40s.
“It’s important for people to remember that sleeping together doesn’t always save a marriage any more than sleeping apart ruins a marriage,” Scoville said. “It’s sleep, and sleep is really important to everyone. But even more important than that is loving each other enough to try something that makes life a bit easier for your partner.”
