The Only Rules For Sex You Actually Need To Follow
In response to Amber Davies, here are eight rules for sex you actually need to follow
Amber Davies (the winner of Love Island, if you’re not up to speed on your reality TV) is getting some bashing on social media for sharing her five ‘rules’ for casual sex.
‘I think we need a new set of rules before saying yes,’ she said.
‘Rule number one is no sex on the first date. If you don’t know the person don’t have sex with the person, it’s all about self-respect.
‘Rule number two is if there is alcohol involved, ask yourself are you going to regret it in the morning. Because when you’re under the influence of alcohol, you become a lot more vulnerable, male and female.
‘Rule number three would be don’t think sex is to impress. I think females and males would be a lot more impressed these days if you don’t put out on the first date.
‘Rule number four: We are absolutely binning the saying ‘no strings attached’ or ‘friends with benefits’. As females we all know we get emotionally attached after sex. If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t do it.
‘[Rule number five]: Don’t follow the crowd. Only because sex has become so casual these days doesn’t mean you have to do it. So stand up for yourself.’
Sorry, they’re not quite as catchy as Dua Lipa’s.
They’re also a tad more problematic.
While Amber is correct to advise people don’t follow the crowd if things don’t feel right, her other points have been accused of sex-shaming and misogyny, operating under the beliefs that there’s something ‘wrong’ about casual sex, that those who have casual sex deserve less respect, and that women aren’t able to have sex outside of a longterm monogamous relationship.
Amber isn’t alone in holding these beliefs, and we don’t want to shout her down (even if we did react to the video by screaming at our computers). The world has come a long way thanks to movements like SlutWalk, improved sex education, and better depictions of women’s sexuality on TV, but our culture still holds damaging beliefs about women and sex.
Amber’s rules aren’t responsible for these beliefs, but they do uphold them. So to take them down and work towards a safer, more sex-positive approach to sexuality, here are our rules for sex.
1. If you and the other person want to have sex, have sex
There is nothing morally wrong with sex as long as it’s legal (so you’re over the age of consent depending on where you live) and consensual. You can do it on the first date if you want. You can wait until marriage if that feels right for you. You can hook up with someone whose name you don’t know at a house party where you aren’t looking for a dating situation, you just want to have an assisted orgasm. There’s nothing wrong with that. Sex is not a dirty, evil thing. We need to stop upholding the idea that the more sex you have, the ‘worse’ you are, or that sex is only acceptable months into a longterm relationship.