What It’s Like to Throw a Sex Party for a Friend
“First, I booked a 2,000-square-foot play space equipped with soft surfaces, towels, lube, and condoms.”
The first time that Jayna and I met nine years ago, a mutual friend of ours, Michael, suggested that we should have sex. He’d floated the idea within seconds of introducing us at his home, where he’d asked me to come and join him and Jayna for a glass of wine.
“You know, I think you guys really ought to have sex,” he said, within seconds of my arrival. Apparently, he’d already floated this idea to Jayna, a stylish 23-year-old marketing executive, and she’d seemed unfazed. Based on little more than a flattering description of me, Jayna had already affirmed that she was game. “Let’s do it,” she laughed, seconds after shaking my hand.
Later that night, we would indeed go home together, and I engaged in one of the most honest, uninhibited, instructive, and soulful sexual experiences I’ve ever had—all with someone who was a perfect stranger at the time. The experience set the tone for how our relationship has evolved since—and is also, understandably, why it’s still so confusing when I try to describe my situation with her to other people. “So,” they tend to ask, “it’s like a ‘friends with benefits’ thing?”
While my relationship with Jayna definitely has some components of a typical FWB setup, I think of her as being far more than just a friend. She’s my sexual confidante, my mentor, and my spirit animal. Though our relationship is not romantic, I love her to bits.
Being that we live on opposite sides of the planet, however—she’s in Hong Kong, I’m in New York—we only get together occasionally. And when we do, it always feels meaningful and life-affirming. So when Jayna told me that she would be flying into New York from Hong Kong to celebrate her 30th birthday, I asked if I could throw a party in her honor—a sex party.