Why Hooking Up in Public Is Exciting—According to Women Who Have Done It
It’s about a lot more than the risk of getting caught.
Do you ever think about having sex on the beach during your summer vacation? Sure. Getting more than just handsy with your significant other on the dark corner of a dance floor? Absolutely. What about pulling off the highway and finding a discreet place to park, because you and your partner are just feeling it mid-road trip? You get the picture.
Hooking up in public may not have society’s stamp of approval. But taking part in any act that feels forbidden has a serious way of spicing up your sex life. Taboos charge up many of us because fear and passion are two sides of a very thin coin, says New York–based sex therapist Sari Cooper, founder and director of the Center For Love And Sex. Kissing, touching, even full-on intercourse in public all press the performer button many of us have. The idea that someone else might be watching from a distance can be super arousing, adds Cooper.
The thrill is about more than the risk of getting caught. Connecting with your partner in a new way and handing over control can not only be relaxing, it can also help you feel closer and experience deeper, more pleasurable orgasms. To find out more about why public sex is such a popular fantasy, we asked 8 women (who requested that we not name names) to share why exactly it’s such a turn on for them.
Spontaneity is sexy
“I had had my eye on a friend of a friend, but he had a girlfriend for the first couple of years that I knew him. One summer, I noticed that he attended more and more social gatherings without the girlfriend, and at a party at the end of the season, he finally made a move on me. We ended up hooking up on a quiet, dark street against the gate to someone’s front steps. I was so excited that this guy, who I was attracted to for years, shared the same attraction—and we couldn’t even wait to get to one of our apartments to reveal how hot we were for each other.”
Having this secret bonds you together
“During my senior year of college, me and the guy I was seeing hooked up on top of a stage in a theater classroom on campus. It was thrilling because 200 or so students right outside the room were participating in a sporting event. We didn’t get caught, and we joined the group tailgate outside right after. Having this little secret between us was a huge turn on.”
Anonymity is exciting
“I live in New York, and a guy introduced himself to me on the subway while I was heading to check out what would be my first Brooklyn apartment. I was in my early 20s and he was in his 30s. We ended up going out on a few dates to trendy lounges and restaurants around the city—pretty thrilling when you’re young and living off ramen and cheap tacos. We’d go to places I could never afford on my own, drink fancy cocktails, and make out. I loved the anonymity of it. No one knew who I was and I didn’t know anyone—and no one cared.”